Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no, he came in my armpit
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
