Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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