Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
