It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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