If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
