I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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