So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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