Dude my mom stole all your condoms
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are the jesus of drinking
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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