You're my little dorito
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
