that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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