A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
