she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
