like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
