Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
