I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
