Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
