There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
