I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Randomize
