As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You are a genius and a whore.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
