I wish I could teleport
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
