Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
