Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dicks are not precious.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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