If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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