i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
