My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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