4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
