she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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