that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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