I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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