after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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