Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
