then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
