Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
