I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
