took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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