dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
