it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
