i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
