It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
