I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
