I have demons in me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he fucked my hip out of place.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
