wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
