apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
