I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
