Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
