Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
