apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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