it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
