Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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