3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think my mom watched the whole time
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
