Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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