I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
