If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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