How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
