It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
