I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was born a porn star she said
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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